Attractive moroccan man

Added: Jacquelin Lacross - Date: 31.12.2021 00:25 - Views: 44474 - Clicks: 1570

Search for more articles by this author. This article explores the social contexts and strategies of flirtation, seduction, and relationship-building in Southern Morocco. It examines the epistemological constraints of different movements within the drama of seduction, and focuses on the ways in which people actively seek to unsettle or opacify such interactions so as to further their social ends. Uncertainty, it suggests, is not merely a social obstacle, but also a social tool.

It further uses this investigation of seduction as an opportunity to explore some of Attractive moroccan man methodological shortcomings of the wider pragmatic project and adumbrate a potential remedy. InEllen Fein and Sherrie Schneider published their best-selling self-help bible, The rules: Time-tested secrets for capturing the heart of Mr.

The book, which encouraged women to play cat and mouse with potential suitors so as to ensure their affections, was variously decried as outdated, radically antifeminist, and coldly utilitarian. While rejecting the first two criticisms, the authors implicitly embraced the latter, arguing that their recommendations were not making any necessary claim about the nature of men and women; they were merely highlighting what sorts of strategies worked. Their approach was, in other words, pragmatic, both in its everyday sense of focusing on what is effective, rather than what is right or true, and in its simultaneously more precise and yet somehow much broader usage within the social sciences.

This latter, social scientific usage can, in truth, be hard to formulate or pin down. What unity there is to this eclectic array can be attributed to a common desire to break with analyses that start from all-encompassing and fixed oppositions between, say, society and the individual or domination and resistance.

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Within these binary pairs, one term society, culture, structure operates as an abstract determining force that sets an agenda for action, while the other the individual or agent either partially submits to this agenda or, contrariwise, creatively struggles against it and seeks to carve out a space of freedom.

Pragmatism, in contrast, jettisons agency and the question of freedom as objects of analysis in favor of a renewed emphasis on the context of action and communication. It then proceeds to pick out the formal properties of particular contexts, or the strategies deployed by various actors in such contexts, and uses these as a means of mapping and interpreting interactions that straddle and encompass multiple social and conceptual scales, rather than merely oscillating between the social macro and the individual micro.

In this example, as for more academic forms of pragmatism, perhaps the key methodological question is how to identify or define the context to be explored. And much the same point could be made regarding the work of more explicitly pragmatic social scientists. In each case, the context of study—which is necessary for the elaboration of this study—is determined ex post by the study itself. In part, this is in an effort to avoid, insofar as possible, presupposing my object of study, but it is also a product of the limitations imposed by the nature of this object and my own position as observer.

One problem with exploring the development of a flirtatious affair is that much of it must necessarily occur outside the gaze of third parties. And one problem with Attractive moroccan man the development of a flirtatious affair in Morocco is that it is uncommonly hard to have access to both sides of the story—at least for heterosexual encounters. Above all, I do not wish to elaborate a one-eyed and androcentric ideal-type of what is, without doubt, a highly asymmetrical relationship.

Working in an intellectual environment where the pd context and object of analysis was society as a whole, Gluckman put forward the case study as an alternative analytical frame: one that did not presuppose its object, but allowed it to emerge from the material. It proceeds by exploring the formal properties of certain junctures within the social drama and examining the strategies deployed by the two parties, situating them in the wider context or contexts of social interaction in Morocco. Particular attention is paid to the epistemological constraints present at different points in the story, as well as to the ways in which the protagonists actively unsettle and opacify social interactions so as to Attractive moroccan man their social ends.

I thereby suggest that such interactional uncertainty is not merely something to be worked around, but rather something that people work with. First on the list was Hicham, a nurse from Beni Mellal, who now worked in the mountains around Azilal, three hours by coach from Marrakesh. Ten minutes later, he pulled up a chair next to mine.

Hicham, it transpired, was in Marrakesh to meet a girl, or rather had extended his stay in the city in hopes of meeting the girl in question. Few Moroccans Attractive moroccan man sufficiently moneyed to spend much time talking and so texts are extremely popular, but even they add up, and the offer was much appreciated. Several of the young men I knew had composed stock messages stating their name, age, and desire to strike up an acquaintance with practically anybody who was interested, and then proceeded to send these messages out to random s.

And Hicham did strike it lucky, receiving no fewer than six responses to his innumerable text messages, though two of these were from men and so pointedly ignored. Of the four remaining respondees, three swiftly ruled themselves out on one ground or another distance, class, etc. They even went so far as to make a few brief telephone calls. Since then, Hicham had been pressing her to come away with him, perhaps to the town of Essaouira, on the sea, where he hoped the change of air and exotic surroundings would work its magic.

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In this endeavor he had proved less lucky, her resistance having thus far proved quite equal to his persuasion. His efforts, however, had not been entirely in vain—as there he was, in Marrakesh, waiting for Suqayna to arrive. Hicham and I spent the evening with some friends and arose early to trudge through the spring rain to the coach station.

She said that she had, once again, been delayed, but was on the coach now and should arrive at half past ten. And so we waited a little longer, not unduly concerned as we had plenty of catching up to do. But half past ten also came and went and there was still no of Suqayna. Hicham called her…no response. Again…no response. A third time…still nothing. This ploy also proved unsuccessful, however, and the mystery remained unresolved. She might be on the coach and unable to hear her telephone, or she might be in a mobile black spot, or she might, as Hicham had initially surmised, be ducking our attempts at communication.

This setback rather poisoned the rest of the day. Upon hearing it, the friend who, I hasten to add, had only ever seen a single blurry photo of Suqayna, taken on a mobile phone declared that he was quite sure he had spotted her in the neighborhood that very afternoon. There could be only one explanation: she had slipped past us at the coach station and gone to meet somebody else.

Shortly afterwards, my phone rang. It Attractive moroccan man Suqayna, whom I greeted warmly, before handing the phone over to Hicham. She had left Demnate at the time she said, but the road had been cut off by the torrential rain, and so she had been forced to spend seven or eight hours in a small town along the way, waiting until the road was passable. The story was wholly improbable, but also wholly unverifiable, and Hicham was in a forgiving mood.

Or perhaps not…. We would, in any event, never know. Quite why she had phoned me instead of Hicham remained unclear, but we tacitly chose not to rake over those particular coals. We sat and chatted for half an hour until I made my excuses and left. Later that afternoon, I ran into them in the soukwhere Hicham was exposing Suqayna to the exotic delights of traditional Moroccan culture.

Though she had often visited Marrakesh, she had never yet ventured into this notorious repair of thieves and tourists. We retired to a nearby park, in front of the Koutoubia Attractive moroccan man, and discussed her CV Curriculum Vitaewhich Hicham had been correcting and I was also to look over. A few hours later, I received a text message from Hicham telling me that it was okay to return to the flat.

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I phoned to make sure there was no confusion and then did as instructed. I ed them and we nattered away like old friends in the casual intimacy of commensality. Hicham and I duly walked her home—they arm-in-arm, and I loitering a good few yards behind. Throughout, the atmosphere was good and the mood easy and relaxed. On the walk home, Hicham asked whether I had seen the date of birth written on her CV. It indicated she was twenty-six years old, whereas she had repeatedly told Hicham that she was twenty-two. He proceeded to point out another couple of discrepancies between her declared and revealed identities.

The next day we caught the coach for his natal village near Beni Mellal, with the intention of spending several days there visiting a local moussem festival before he returned to his work and I proceeded to the Atlas Mountains and my principle fieldwork site. For three days, he exchanged text messages with Suqayna, but breathed not a word of their content, Attractive moroccan man evolution of their relationship, or the events of Marrakesh. A few minutes silence ensued, before I enquired as to whether he was intending to go. The following morning, we rose before dawn and he walked me a mile or so to the nearest main road.

There we sat on the verge in silence, waiting for a bus to come by. You could have been patient…you could have suffered a while yet. I met up with him a few weeks later and, in response to my questions, he informed me that he had told Suqayna that he was leaving to work in the mountains Attractive moroccan man three months and would have no access to telephone or Internet for that period.

This, as far as I am aware, marked the end of their relationship. What, then, are we to make of the various forms of interaction on display in this case study? How to separate out the different contexts in which the relationship evolves? Once more, I propose to eschew a typological analysis of the events in question, distinguishing instead between three temps Attractive moroccan man, or movements, that provide the social drama with chronological structure.

These three movements are those of encounter, seduction, and rupture and I explore the particular interactional strategies and constraints present in each case, as well as the types of social effect they produce. They are, of course, neither more nor less arbitrary than the contextual ideal-types in whose role they stand as vicars, but they have the advantage of not presupposing their own heuristic extensibility across a given cultural space. The movements I discuss are nothing more than narrative artifacts used to address questions of cultural repertoire and situational constraint characteristic of a range of different social contexts and interactions.

Marilyn Strathern argues that transactions such as marriageor claims of, say, ownership of a patent ibid. Networks, in short, must be cut in order to be productive. This vision of human interactions and exchanges depends on our accepting that these sorts of mycelial networks are the starting point for social action, and it may be that from the sort of analytical perspective advocated by actor network, or simply network, theorists, they are.

But the analytical Grundpunkt of many small-town Moroccans is just the opposite. One starts out as a more or less atomized individual, embedded in limited and largely inert kin networks, and social action is the endeavor to make that network ramify and to link one network to another. This is most evident in efforts to establish casual points of coincidence with ificant figures who straddle multiple social worlds.

But until thirty years ago, its inhabitants lived a mile or so farther up the mountainside, only moving to the new village in the s when they were offered electricity and running water to do so. Some families still live on the old site, however, and many others keep a summer house to which they retreat on summer evenings, to escape the sultry heat of the plains and seek out the dusk-wind that blows at altitude.

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He took me to an electrical goods shop in the center of the village, and then through to the back room where we had tea and biscuits with an unveiled women of fifty or so, who spoke impeccable French as she had been educated by nuns in Casablanca and declared herself to be an artist—something of a sociological oddity in the immediate context.

We stayed for twenty or so minutes, during which time Hicham said not a word and I bemusedly played my appointed role as art-loving Frenchman. When I asked Hicham why it had been so vital that I meet her, he merely replied that one never knew when such relations might come in handy. This encounter could easily be read as a classic opening gambit of a patron-client relationship, and with time it might yet reveal itself to have been one. On a of levels, however, it fails to conform to the ideal-type of such exchanges. For one thing, no services were offered or asked for, we made no attempt to show our potential value to the dame patronesse and, above all, the connection established was most definitely not dyadic contra Hammoudi.

Not I suspect, in any great hope or expectation—he was only too aware of the limited appeal of a stammering young academic as a social lure—but because such attempts are a standard aspect of social activity and, as he rightly pointed out, one never knew. This fairly canonical example of social promiscuity is, however, merely the most obviously instrumental of a whole range of similar network-ramifying activities, many of which are nowadays conducted via modern communication technology, whose web-like properties lend themselves admirably to such endeavors.

And no opportunity for establishing social contact is too trifling to be seized upon. For instance, wrong s are a regular feature of Moroccan existence as everybody has a mobile phone, but as I mentioned, nobody can afford to call from one. Instead, people make calls from payphones and, in the process of copying s from chipped screen to damaged dial, digits are often confused.

Even calls from payphones are expensive, though, and they rarely last longer than a few minutes. They are only made when it is absolutely imperative to speak to somebody, or to contact loved ones and potential lovers. And yet despite this, I have never seen anybody hang up on a wrong. They try to strike up a conversation or prolong the interaction: implicitly letting on that it was the rightbut the wrong person answered it, or simply providing so little information that the caller is unsure of what to do.

What matters is Attractive moroccan man draw the exchange out. Indeed, one of the high points of my social integration was when I received a ribald text message from some young man to his sweetheart and immediately responded in a way that suggested that I was not the intended recipient, but gave no clue as to my gender, intentions, or potential openness to further exchanges. The game consists of then pushing the encounter as far as one can without giving up any information about oneself, playing a complex form of social battleship.

And then finally, there are the endless, aimless text messages sent out for free over the New Year period and whose purpose is ostensibly sexual, but which also hold out the broader possibility of bringing together perhaps entirely extraneous networks. What, then, unites these highly different instances of communication, beyond the simple fact that they all tend toward precipitating a relationship by manufacturing an encounter?

It seems to me that their principal formal property is the extraordinarily minimal amount of information exchanged by the two parties. This is least clearly the case with the meeting in the electrical goods shop, but that encounter was fairly prolonged and, even there, Hicham distinguished himself by a tenacious silence, so much of the detail elicited from our host was the result of the fact that I am a nonproficient Moroccan social actor and asked polite questions to fill the gaps although such an approach may well, in fact, have been better suited to her particular milieu.

All the other examples—those Attractive moroccan man occurred by virtue of electronically mediated forms of communication—saw the participants give away so little about themselves that they remained little more than ciphers. The whole point of the conversations struck up with wrong s or via assumed messaging s is not to reveal anything about oneself, as to do so risks terminating the exchange. I am twenty-eight years old. Would you like to get to know me? In this sense, it was rather similar to the personal published in Moroccan magazines, many of which are also startling in their lack of descriptors.

Tel QuelI remind the reader, is a nationwide magazine. Contrast these interactions with equivalent ones in Western Europe or North America, where, as Schegloff notes in his ethnomethodology of telephone opening gambits, the initial moments are invariably devoted to mutual identification, 12 and as even a cursory experience of dating websites will demonstrate, you will not get many responses if you reveal scant information about yourself.

As Attractive moroccan man the formal properties of this cultivation of opacity characteristic of the opening movement, it is worth stressing that it is necessarily temporally restricted—i.

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